Clarity
by iceblueyes
Summary: "Eriol why are you my clarity?" "You still get my heart racing for you Tomoyo".
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: I don't own Card Captor Sakura. The song Clarity belongs to Zedd and its better if you listen to the piano version of it than the original one that's why I made this story.

Dearest Kay-kun,

You know even in dreams you still haunt me. I couldn't imagine that you would chase me there. Hahaha. Just kidding. You know naito-kun you would always be my Eriol Hiiragizawa in a flesh one who is always thrifty with words. Hahaha. Do not worry I do not imagine myself as Tomoyo Daidouji. I'm not wealthy. I don't have a good voice. I don't get a straight A in my card but you are very workaholic and Eriol-kun is like that. Gomen…I dream too much that sometimes it hurts. If it's for you I guess it's okay. I know at the end of the day you would always be there for me. Arigatou na naito-kun.

Itsumo,

Hime

Tomoyo Daidouji sighed again looking at the lyrics in her notebook. Five years had passed since Eriol left Japan and study in England again. She wanted to be a singer one day, that's what she told him and he had put melody on the first song that she wrote, the same notebook that she held onto five years ago.

Looking outside in the Daidouji mansion she was apparently waiting for Touya Kinomoto, Sakura's elder brother. She didn't know what made her decide to sing the song again. She vowed she never wanted to do anything when it comes to the blue-eyed boy that she had adored long ago.

_Adored is such a strong word. Nevertheless the words falling in love too. _Another sigh was escaping her lips. _If not for him this song would never have its own melody._

"Yo kiddo!" a voice said from behind. She looked around and saw Touya Kinomoto looking handsome as ever as if he hasn't aged through the years. It was a miracle as what Sakura told her that she and her elder brother would be so close. Her excuse was he is the only one who can play piano aside from that blue-eyed boy.

"Touya-niichan", Tomoyo began. At first it was awkward calling him "Touya-niichan". It was supposed to be a teasing remark but as time goes by Touya had gotten used to her calling him that. He saluted.

"Am I late?" he said as he messes her hair fondly, one of the gestures that Touya always used on her. She laughed softly.

"Iie. I was just looking and staring out at the window", she replied as they went to the piano that was in the room.

"Thinking of him again kiddo?" Touya asked as he opened the piano. Tomoyo leaned on it and smile wryly.

"I hate it that you can see right through me".

"Oh please aside from my dearest sister who is head over heels with that little brat", he began as he opened the piano. "Knowing you for these past few years made me realized that somehow I get to see the depth of your feelings".

"Uh~huh you and your speech Touya-niichan", she replied as they both laughed. He didn't have to look at her as he sat down and glide his fingers on the piano.

"You are still in love with him aren't you?" she cupped her right cheek and places a smile on her delicate face.

"Oh you knew? Who told you? I didn't even know about that".

"For a girl who will sing the song of the guy who made a melody to her lyrics I doubted that the girl is still in love with him". Touya looked at her a smile on his face. "It's okay Tomoyo. I understand".

"Arigatou na Touya-niichcan", was all she could say her face blushing.

"Shall we sing your composition then?" Touya said. She nodded.

/

_ Tomoyo Daidouji was in first year high school and she was glad that she was still classmates with Sakura Kinomoto along with her grade five school mates. Li Syaoran, Sakura's love interest decided to study in Japan which she knew made Sakura happy. And she knew she had to be happy for her. Whatever she feels for her second degree cousin and best friend she knew she had to just let her go._

_**High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life  
>Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time<br>Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends  
>A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again<strong>_

_She was apparently busy writing something in her notebook that she didn't even noticed that Tereda-sensei, now a high school adviser, had introduced someone to class. All she could hear were the "Ohhs and ahhs" in the room. She was not the type of person to get interested on things or persons that easily especially if it's not Sakura._

"_I'm sure my grade five students knew who this handsome young man be", Terada said as he could see some of the girls eyes were in heart shape already. "Eriol Hiiragizawa. A transfer student from England". Eriol took a bow as Terada was looking for a seat for him. "Ah you can sit right next to Daidouji-san, Hiiragizawa-kun"._

"_Hai sensei", Eriol said his blue eyes were on the raven haired lass. __**She had grown to be beautiful now. **__Was all Eriol could think of. Tomoyo was still busy writing something in her notebook when she sensed a certain presence stopped in front of her. "Hisashiburi desu Daidouji-san"._

"_E-Ehh?" her amethyst eyes looked up and were greeted with warm blue eyes. She blinked her eyes. "A-Anou…namae wa?" the class started to laugh as she had the grace to blush. "G-Gomen I was busy with something"._

"_Trust Daidouji-san to always be busy and always a straight A student", Tereda began, shaking his head. "Want me to introduce him again?"_

"_A-Anou…"she looked at him again. His face was apparently familiar to her. __**Where did I saw him before? Blue eyes…**__before she knew it Eriol had apparently kneeled down in front of her that made the girls shriek. And then without further ado took her hand and kissed it. Memories when they were in grade five came rushing back in an instant._

"_I hope you do remember me Daidouji-san. I always read your letters". When he stood up he smiled at her one that nearly made her cheeks flush._

"_E-Eriol Hiiragizawa-kun"._

_**'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
>Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why<br>If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
>If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?<strong>_

_She wasn't expecting that she and him will get close. Close enough that they shared some secrets that somehow she'll never tell Sakura. That day they were headed to the music room as they met Sakura and Syaoran along the way. "Tomoyo-chan"._

"_S-Sakura-chan", Tomoyo said with a smile. "Going home?" the card mistress of long ago smiled happily at her._

"_Haaiii~aren't you going home too? We can go together if you like", her cousin replied. The raven haired shook her head._

"_I can't for the moment. Hiiragizawa-kun promised me he'll play a song before we go home so", her eyes softened and looked at Syaoran. "Syaoran will do. As usual". Sakura pouted._

"_All right then maybe next time?"_

"_Hai. Next time will do", said Tomoyo. Syaoran's amber eyes turned to Eriol. "Hiiragizawa make sure you escort Tomoyo home okay?"_

"_That's a piece of cake for me my cute descendant". Syaoran rolled his eyes, smiling._

"_You never change". Putting an arm on Sakura's shoulder and turning to leave he added, "We're going"._

"_Take care", said Tomoyo and Eriol in unison. Tomoyo didn't have to look at Eriol as she added, "Let's go Hiiragizawa-kun". She entered the music room as Eriol trailed after her but before she could go far he had already grabbed her wrist. "N-Nani?"_

"_You don't have to pretend", was all the blue-haired boy could say. "If it hurts then you just have to cry"._

"_You gotta be joking. Crying is for the weak", Tomoyo said as her head slowly turned away, biting her lower lip. __**Why does he always see right through me? **__Before she even knew it the mage had already pulled her to him in embrace without her knowing that she was already crying._

"_It's okay to cry. It always means you were strong enough and handled the pain well", Eriol said in a whisper, his arms around her. "I've known you through your letters and I felt that I could see right through you even if Sakura can't"._

"_Eriol…Eriol…"she began sobbing, burying her face in his chest and lightly hits it. "I hate you…I hate you…"his arms around her waist tightened._

"_I understand Tomoyo"._

_**Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends  
>It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense<br>Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose  
>If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you<strong>_

_How he made her trust him so well that she doesn't know. Slowly and surely she had let go of the feelings she held for her dear cherry blossom. Ever since that fateful incident in the music room on how Eriol had calmed her feelings and how she opened up to him changed for the better. She was thinking to finish her lyrics and wanted to ask Eriol's help by putting melody in her lyrics. When their dismissal bell had ring she turned to him with a smile on her face. "Eriol-kun I have a favor to ask"._

"_Oh? Anything for you my dear Princess, I'll do anything", Eriol replied as he put some notebooks in his bag. She laughed softly._

"_Stop teasing will you? Your fan girls will kill me", she said smiling. Eriol looked at her. He knew she wasn't faking her smiles unlike she used to._

"_Not if I can help it". He carried his back pack on his shoulder and tilts his head. "Nani desu ka Tomoyo-san?" she blushed before she even replied._

"_I wanted to finish the song I made a long time ago. I hope you can put melody in my song?" she blushed more as Eriol smiled at her._

"_I will my Princess but not now though. I got a visitor". He kissed her forehead lightly as she blinked her eyes. He was about to leave._

"_V-Visitor? One of your fan girls?" she laughed on her statement but stopped laughing when she heard his reply._

"_Iie. It's Kaho Mizuki"._

**'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
>Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why<br>If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
>If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?<strong>

_ Three is a crowd. Just when she had started to be comfortable with Eriol's company she knew she had to step back when Kaho Mizuki arrived. She sighed. It was not easy to be alone. __**I've never felt so alone in my whole life before. **__She sighed as she was done writing her lyrics one that inspired her because of Sakura and the rest was because of Eriol. __**I guess I'll just ask Touya-niichan to put melody in it.**_

"_There you are". Upon hearing that familiar voice she looked to who it was that entered the music room. "I've been looking all over for you"._

"_I-I was finishing my lyrics", she replied as Eriol sat right in front of her. "You needed something from me?"_

"_You", Eriol began as he pinched her nose fondly. "Had been avoiding me for the past few weeks and days if I remember correctly"._

"_T-That's absurd. That didn't even cross my mind", Tomoyo said praying that she can pretend one more time._

"_Did something happen?" she shook her head. "Tomoyo…"_

"_I feel like I wanna be alone for a while". He sighed hearing her reply. Seeing her notebook he grabbed it from the table. "E-Eriol!" his eyes scanned to the lyrics then his eyes turned to her._

"_Tomoyo-san are you in love?"_

"_Iie!" she replied without thinking twice. "I just felt like writing one". A smirk was playing on his lips as he stood up._

"_A promise is a promise. I will put melody to this. Give me time. Okay?" And what broke her heart more is that he couldn't see through her lies, not anymore…_

_**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
>If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? <strong>_

_**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
>If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? <strong>_

_**Why are you my clarity?**_

Someone had applauded as she sang the last line of the song. She and Touya looked to where the source was. It was Sakura nonetheless with Syaoran next to her. "Your voice never fail to amaze me", Sakura began.

"What are you doing here?" Tomoyo asked as Touya began to cover the piano.

"Nii-chan told me he'll be visiting here and we thought we'll dropped by".

"Along with a surprise", Syaoran said, winking. Tomoyo chuckled.

"My dear Syaoran I'm too old for surprises. What's on your sleeves neh?" before the two could reply they stepped aside as Eriol Hiiragizawa came forward, smiling at her. "H-Hiiragizawa-kun".

"Long time no see Tomoyo-san".

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: I don't own Card Captor Sakura. I'm one of my heart breaking modes again. I guess it's really official this time. He doesn't want to do anything with me anymore. It kinda hurts because our relationship lasted for four years: four years of getting to know each other, four years of falling in love with each other, four years of fighting over things that are useless, four years of building dreams you wished it would last but I guess after today that won't happen anymore. I'm so tired of crying and I thought hey I can do stuffs like writing fanfics, watching Supernatural, watching anime, going to a driving school someday but…it's so hard for now. So please bear with me.

Bloody Priestess: thank you for the encouraging words last February 24, 2014. I'm sure this time there won't be anything to piece back to. If he comes back again I have a condition for him. Hahaha. I cannot help it. Have I fallen in love with the wrong person? Everything has a reason. Let's see how far I will move on on the four years we've been together and for the coming years that I will forget him. Cheers, to me.

_Tomoyo Daidouji couldn't understand her feelings anymore. Sure it had come to a time where Eriol had finally confessed his feelings towards her. She couldn't be happier knowing he loves her too but the mere fact that Eriol will sometimes spend time with his ex-lover Kaho Mizuki she realized if she had made the worst mistake like giving her heart to him when he's holding his feelings for Kaho._

_It had been weeks as she had certainly avoided him not knowing how to confront him. She had given her heart to him. Willingly. Freely. But why must he end up square one with his former lover? She doesn't know who to talk to. Sure Sakura Kinomoto and Li Syaoran knew of their blossoming relationship but she didn't even tell them of the hurt that she had experienced at that very moment. "Was I just a rebound for your wounded ego Eriol-kun?" she thought. "I am so unlucky with love. The people I love leave me behind. You should just have given your heart to Mizuki-sensei. Much better than you falling for me and you are thinking about her". Suddenly her messenger pops up in the screen. She smiled wryly as Sakura greeted her:_

_Sakura: Ohayou Tomoyo-chan~ 3_

_Tomoyo: Ohayou Sakura-chan ^^_

_Sakura: Ogenki desu ka? You seem down lately. Something wrong with you and Eriol-kun?_

_Tomoyo: Iie neh. How come you can say that?_

_Sakura: Like I said you've been down lately. I just hope you and Eriol-kun are fine neh~_

_She was about to reply to her when Sakura added: I'll always be here Tomoyo-chan. You could always depend on me. We've been friends like forever._

_The conversation with Sakura did made her smile that day. She thought she would be fine and fix things with Eriol when he had told her a dreadful news. "You are what? With Mizuki-sensei?"_

"_I'll be back after-"_

"_You love her don't you?!" she said without thinking twice. "I think after all this time-"_

"_What are you saying? How could you even think of such a thing?!"_

"_Oh and you are blaming me now? Aren't you just that dense to realize why I've been avoiding you for these past few days? I think you just use me so that you could forget your broken hearted ego-"_

"_Tomoyo I didn't lie about what I feel for you! Kaho just needs my help because-"she apparently turned her back on him and he stopped. "Tomoyo please listen"._

"_Enough. Haven't you hurt me enough?" Tomoyo asked softly. He knew she was apparently crying right then and there. "Just go. Just go with her and I'll be fine". He doesn't know if he should hug her or make her turn to him so he didn't do anything. _

"_I'll come back Tomoyo when I fix things in London-"she apparently shook her head. "Please listen"._

"_I wouldn't have to wait for you anymore. By then I'm sure my heart belongs to someone else". She left the room without turning back, without saying goodbye, without looking at him. "Why must I listen to his explanations when the explanations itself is really clear", she thought, running to whatever place that'll take her. "Does the feeling of being jealous included in the package?"_

_He left without saying goodbye and she had been crying for days for that. She couldn't even explain the hurt when he left. She always thought she had done the right thing. That she had protected her heart from breaking. She didn't expect to cry so much. She had avoided the places that reminds her of him when they were together. She had avoided the music room the most. "I'll get through", she thought, lying in her bed as she had done crying. "When I'm over you I'll be happy again you'll see". Her phone beeps as she tried to reach for it. It was getting harder each day. "I didn't know it was so hard to forget you". Her eyes widened as she saw Sakura's message:_

_Tomoyo-chan I know moving on is not that easy. I know I am not in the place to advice that. If you wanna cry then cry until you cannot cry no more. Remember I'm always here and Syaoran too. Seeing you down breaks my heart more knowing I cannot do anything about it. You think it was okay for you to let Eriol-kun leave without hearing his side? I am sure he is not in love with Mizuki-sensei but all I can say is that if you wanna move on then all I can say is that "Let him shatter your heart completely so that there will be nothing for you to piece back and when you realize that there's nothing left to come back to. You can let him go with no hard feelings, no regrets, and no offensive hand gestures to his retreating back". (Author's Notes: this belongs to Bloody Priestess)_

_After reading her message she hadn't stop crying for a long time._

_/_

Sakura Kinomoto and Li Syaoran we're waving at the balcony where Tomoyo was standing as she waved back. They were in Eriol's house as Eriol escorted the couple to the gate. Seeing him again she wasn't really prepared for it. Her treacherous heart beats just like before. He had invited them for dinner for he was back in Japan just a few days back and had just contacted Sakura yesterday. The two decided to leave and it's not like she doesn't know the reason why they had to. She doesn't want to be alone with him but she guess she had to.

Hearing his footsteps behind her she doesn't know how to start the conversation. Five years was such a long time. For those five years she had cut her communication with him. If she wouldn't she thinks she'll do something like blurting her feelings for him. "Are you sure it's okay for you to stay behind?" Eriol asked as he leaned over the balcony as well. She didn't even look at him when she replied.

"I'm sure Sakura wanted me to stay behind and talk to you".

"We haven't talked for five years. Did you intend not to talk to me forever?"

"Probably", was her curt reply then her eyes met his. "Was there a reason to?" she heard him sigh as he placed his two hands on her shoulder. "H-Hiiragizawa-kun-"his brow rose in confusion.

"Now that's awkward. Seriously now Tomoyo like I said nothing is going on between me and Kaho". He saw her eyes looking away as he held her chin using his finger to look at him. "She wants my help to apparently transfer here permanently". This time it was her brow that rose in confusion.

"Permanently? Doushite?" he released his finger on her chin as he leaned again.

"She's dating Touya Kinomoto again. Hasn't he told you about it?"

"No but Touya-niichan is sometimes with her if I recall. So she wants to stay permanently on Japan and be with Touya?"she asked. _Was avoiding him all this time was a mistake?_

"It's true she was my former lover that I can't deny". Eriol's eyes went to her again. "It's true I've fallen in love with you but that was after some time I had forgotten about her. I was trying to explain and I know you wouldn't listen to such reasons after all I was accompanying her and you have to look at that incident". His eyes looked down shyly and he gazes at her amethyst eyes once again. "I had to respect your decision and promised myself that I would come back to you once it was settled. I had to finish my degree and decided on communicating with you but I was afraid…that you'd shut me out again so I wanna tell you personally". He paused then continued. "Just give me a second chance. I didn't want it to end. Onegai Tomoyo-"she placed her finger on his lips, silencing him.

"Gomen", she said, her eyes turning away. "Gomen nasai for everything". He clasped his hands to hers, his eyes shining bright like the midnight sky.

"We could always start over. Tomoyo, I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'll always be here!" she sighed hearing his words. She felt so miserable. She felt so miserable that she doesn't know what to do.

"I'm only gonna hurt you. I'm not a good girlfriend", Tomoyo said, laughing softly on what she said but he had embraced her, crushing her into his arms something that she missed those times they were together. "E-Eriol-kun", she said, her face flushed. "P-Please…"

"Now that I got my name right from your lips, I'll be waiting for your answer and I would be persistent on what is mine and belongs to me".

"A-And if you don't get what you want?" she said, feeling more flustered as his face coming closer. "E-Eriol onegai neh-"

"Gomen, I don't accept no as answer". With that said his lips was crushing hers in a sweet kiss that made her want to escape somehow. It was demanding, it was Eriol's feelings that he wanted to tell her for so long. Punishing and sweet something that she didn't expect and something regrettable and without any restrain she kissed him back one that wanted her to tell him how she really feels.

To be continued…


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